A Letter to my Bullies/Why I have been away

To Whom it may concern… I’m sure you know who you are whilst reading this…

To be honest, I didn’t think I would ever write you a letter. As far as I was concerned, the amount of suffering I went through these last 6 months was enough to make me bitter.

I don’t forgive you, yet, and I most certainly will never forget about you.

No matter how hard I tried to understand it all, trying to understand that you might be lonely or were left angered by a previous lover, it just kept coming and it felt like the world was telling me that I didn’t belong, and I never would.

You see, you tried to break me. Private messaging me and telling me my husband deserves a healthy wife. You created numerous Facebook accounts to send me disgusting messages telling how badly he talks about me when I’m not around. You even tried to log into my Instagram account.  This is quite embarrassing for you because as you might not know when a new device tries to log into your account it actually shows a map of where the person is trying to log in. And it was the area you live in.

After all that failed, you started with all the fake email addresses you created and sent some pretty disgusting stuff about my relationship. Even threatening that you will make sure that he loses his job. And going as far as leaving revolting comments on my blog. And to top it all off, you used your religion as a weapon.

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Did something really bad happen to you when you were little? Or are you just an evil bitch?

It made me depressed. It made me lose the belief that people have good in them. It made me question my existence. Do you know how deep and far that goes? I spent almost everyday crying in my room. I felt paralyzed and confused. How do I explain this to someone without a “why” and not feel embarrassed?

But this is not where my story ends. By being forced to go within, I slowly began to gather back pieces of myself out of a dark place. With the help of a few loved ones I trusted, I explored every nook and cranny, searching for the lost parts of me. Parts that I hadn’t seen in quite some time. Because I lost me.

I learned how to face myself with a sense of maturity that helped me look beyond my pain and started thinking about yours. You see, I now feel sorry for you.

For you to throw around words so laced with anger and disgust, you must really hate the world.

“Genuinely happy people don’t pull others down, and for that, you have taught me the art of compassion.”

I promised myself that I will never make anyone feel as bad about themselves or their relationships as what you made me feel. No one should ever feel that way.

And I’m pretty sure you will remember me for the rest of your life. And that alone is enough for me. I know I will forget you and the hurt you caused one day. But I can go to sleep every night with a clean conscience.

Something to remember when dealing with a troll or bully: “Never play chess with a pigeon. The pigeon just knocks all the pieces over then shits all over the board. Then struts around like it won.”

So thank you for making me stronger. Thank you for opening my eyes to show me what I never want to be like.

I’m taking my power back. And with that my happiness and regaining the person I lost. I am finding myself again. I know I had to go through so much betrayal and bullshit recently but I no longer try to hunt for the “why”.

Thank you to all who stood by me. It’s true what they say… When going through a shitstorm, you don’t lose any friends, you just discover your real ones. ♥

 

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